summer.

it's been too fun to blog.
going rafting next saturday.

=)

-Dan.

uncertainty.

i've done a lot of thinking over the past few hours. it's been triggered by...

i guess a lot of things. there are a lot of certain things in life. there are a lot of things i'm uncertain about as well.

-Dan.

writing raps!?

shoddy is a eenie meenie miney mo lover!?

and i'm confused about a lot of things right now.

and i'm writing raps.

first over the Thank U instrumental then over Paris, Tokyo. it's fun, new, exciting. sooo... we'll see how long this lasts.

Paris, Tokyo verse:

UGH. The typhoon that you slept through.

now you're drowning, black magicians to the rescue.

my art official (artificial) like babies from a test tube.

let's take it back like a tribe called quest do.

See, it was me and the dame

that i was feeling in my chest.

but she was w. this dude,

just a damsel in distress.

cause he was treating her the worst.

so when i got the chance,

i just offered her 'The Works'.

i said you need to ditch the lame cause i could show you thangs.

that will make your jaw drop and leave your eyes wide open and,

make your problems disappear.

i could take you to the beaches where the waters clear.

i'll take you to the mountain tops near the sky,

where the sunrise is only rivaled by your eyes...

she took a moment to reply.

she said i don't know.

i told her i would take her where the nile river flows.

or where the rain forest grows.

if only she would go....

if only she would go....

------

i just record these joints on my phone. ahaha. for funzys. =)

-Dan.

spring 2010.

CHEM II- B+
A & P II - A
BIO II - A
PSYC - B-
Art Apprec. - A

my gpa is still a lowly 3.3, because of a terrible first semester.
Eff psychology.
next semester, the bar is getting raised.

-Dan.

philadelphia.

what a great day. i'll look at it like the unofficial start of sumer.

i wasn't even sure if i was going to philly today, but i'm definitely glad i did.

i woke up @ 9 and talked to my sweet heart for an hour or so.

then i met gorenna @ chris' house. she was late, as was expected.

then we went to philadelphia. quick hits.

bubble tea.

BK: 20 minutes for one spicy chicken crisp. a black man in a purple suit talking to us through a window. he reminded me of rack `em willie. i saw him twice, once again @ the bus stop. crazy!?!

messing around on a giant game board, i think it was.

chris dancing on some gay guys car in the middle of the street.

love park.

art mueseum.

asian fist pumps galore.

cheering on drunk white people as they get out of a limo.

londo bridging the same white people as they get back in. disney channel!

I RIPPED MY PANTS. =O

and then, the banger.

CHEESE STEAKS.

shouts to: gorrenna, chris, zefanne and jew9uh, m&m, feljohns, grace, legend, ian, a'paco'lypse, jr, and my man in the purple suit.

get @ us.

-Dan.

semester is almost over.

here's hoping that i get 5 A's.

and the heat lost. =(

-Dan.

wtf test?

i had a test in chemistry today. the fuhg?

and i have a test tomorrow. and thursday. super science test week!

cheers.

-Dan.

poetry.

it's nice. i really feel like it's been growing up w. me. this is just something i threw together last night, instead of doing my midterm essay for art appreciation. i'm planning on breaking it up into separate pieces, but that's for later.

THOUGHTS.

it only takes one "it's over" to make everything that preceded those words irrelevant.
and while you're hell bent on trying to mold mud into something that's heaven sent,
we're moving on, through broken bonds. clogging our tear ducts like tampons.

i remember the words exchanged. from me to her. from her to me.
but unlike van Gogh's work, real life's Starry Nights don't last an eternity,

life is about balance. finding the right mixture.
we live life
with only enough time to catch a brief glimpse of The Big Picture

a reference to the last note on perspective.
i write to vent truth, not to be remembered or accepted.
it doesn't make a difference whether you admire or reject it.

i said when it's over, it's irrelevant
whether you embraced, adored, or ignored us.
whether this leads to a homeless poet or a rapper with a tour bus,
me and my clique of words i keep in my backpack like doras
will keep inking murals of morals.

the verses i write. the stanzas i say,
whether forgotten like dreams,
or remembered like P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way,
are here to stay.

-Dan.

sexy.

-Dan.

no school.

today, i was sitting alone in the parking lot, cause i thought there was school, BUT THERE AIN'T. =)

i hope my art bag is @ the chapel, cause i can't do my final w.o it. =(

i also just had a crazy dream ft. mikey, ronick, jong, dee, dean, joyce, roy, myleen, ivan, joshua, and jaime.

we were going to go through an underground tunnel system for 70 miles to deliver someone to a hospital from afghanistan to eygpt in two transport vehicles. this is because it was much safer underground. i was walking around telling myleen and jaime that a lot of the guys they care about could die @ any minute if the tunnel collapses on us. we were waiting to leave for a while. mikey and i walked around. apparantly, this was all in ka marks basement. while we were walking, we saw ka amor. ivan's song 'give thayeeanks' or something, was playing. initally, i started talking about the song, but w. different lyrics to mikey. i went on a rant about it. eventually, i got it right and told mikey

"it should just be called give thanks, but she should still sing it the same way."

mikey also gave me a rant, as we walked down some stairs about how travelling underground was the most rational way to get around, as opposed to swimming everywhere, which he said was disgusting.

i saw jong. he didn't want to go cause he was craving white castle. in my mind, i thought he was just scared to go into the tunnel. i thought there were 2 jongs, but one was just a guy w. a moustache who had jongs hair cut from behind. me and mikey were laughing very hard when i realized that it wasn't, in fact, jong. finally, the guy we were going to transport opened the door from the bathroom that he had been in, and we were off. he had on a black hoody w. cool designs on it.

the path to the tunnel was kind of another tunnel. the one that connects an airport to an airplane. it was a wide version of one of those. and when we finally got to the tunnel, roy and joyce were sitting on one of the vehicles. i expected to the tunnel to be like a gold mine looking thing, but when we got down, there were signs and ish. like an airport terminal.

joyce was playing 96.5 really loud initially, before i realized that it was a popular tunnel system/terminal joint. i started panicing, telling her the whole tunnel would collapse, if she played music too loud. she turned on some sort of gas tank, and the gas began leaking, which she claimed would absorb the sound. her and roy then drove away.

i hopped onto the next car. there was only room for 2, maybe 3 people. i wondered how we would all go the 70 miles in those 2 vehicles. i took it for a test drive, following joyce and roy. the steering wheel was an n64 controller. the A button was go. the B button was the brakes. the start button was kinda go. the bumpers lowered and raised my seat.

eventually, the paths split and ronick and mikey, who were running behind us followed roy and joyce, leaving me a lone for a little. Then i saw ronick come back to catch up w. me. I pulled over and asked him if he wanted to try it. He got on and drove away w. joshua. me and mikey started walking around. we noticed a lot of white people in the terminal. mikey was like

"yea, this is a popular terminal to get around, you didn't know that?"

next thing i knew, ronick had crashed the car into an in-ground fish tank. when i finally noticed, ronick had said something along the lines of 'cause of the sign'. the sign read "live fish" and they were jumping out of the water, like salmon swimming upstream. a man had pulled joshua out, and he was alright, but ronick was still in the water. dee jumped in and swam into save him. he pulled ronick up for air, and ronick didn't breathe. he just spoke, when he came up. his exact words, i don't recall. then ronick would sink back down. there was a tube in the tank, it looked like oxygen, that he was breathing through. dee came out of the tank. i said

'this is crazy'
'yea. it's 30 feet deep', dee answered.

i was shocked. i grabbed ronick by his arm and held him above the water from about his shoulders up. i held him for a while, then he suddenly flew out and landed next to me. i asked him how he did it.

he explained that the whole time, he was rocking his weight back and forth, and jumped out @ the perfect time. it was so spontaneous, he couldn't tell me he was jumping out before hand. then i woke up.

this all happened in less than 45 minutes.. o.O

it's crazy how vividly you remember dreams right after they happened, whereas if you let the sit for a few hours, they're gone forever.

-Dan.

dreams.

i had 3. i only really remember one.

we were all trapped @ church. lions were eatting everyone that was trying to leave. people were trying to leave. for some reason, our parking lot led to a jungle. you were safe if you were in cars, but when i went through, people were walking next to my car, instead of sitting inside it. getting merked by lions.

then a lion got into the chapel and we killed it and sent the skin and bones to the lions to show them we weren't f'ing around. that's pretty much how we do things, in my dreams.

i'm about to start a dream log.

-Dan.

sigh.

ticket, ticket, ticket.

i'm excited to burn a new cd.

i don't like chemistry very much.

-Dan.

scan.

today we had scan service. it was epic. we didn't even get to 246. we would've put the place to sleep, i guess. praise God.

played basketball for a long time w. the usuals and some people from elizabeth and jersey city. then hit up wendys and chilled there for @least an hour. good times.

service tomorrow morning. parents are in DC till monday. it's been nice taking care of joshua.

-Dan.

the big picture.

This is everything i've learned in my entire life summed up in a few sentences:

Put God first. Don't try to solve your own problems, pray God will solve them for you. Chase what lasts forever. Nothing in this life lasts forever. Be humble. Be thankful. Don't be impulsive.

That's all. In order to achieve the first 4 sentences, you must follow the fifth.

Humility. Recently, we recieved a lecture about humility. It encompasses so many different elements. All of which are essential to me, in becoming the the man that I want to be.

Never put myself first. Put God first. Satan offered Christ all the kingdoms of this world. Satan will offer me everything I could ever want in this life. Success. Women. Money. A happy life.

But I will deny myself. chasing worldly things is the same thing as chasing the moment. Why only live in the moment, when you can live forever?

Humility is about sacrifice. It's about not pursuing my best interests, if they're not in the best interests of God.

They want this material thing. That material thing. I don't want any of that, so they tell me to dream bigger.

My dreams ARE bigger. I'm chasing something greater. What I'm chasing is above it all. That's why I'm here. This IS my big picture. Success here in this world, would be nice. But, man, I have bigger fish to fry.

Besides, I have the All Powerful, on my side. So even if life is harder this way, I'll be alleviated.

It's not about having the Good Life. It's about having the Eternal Life. Blessed.

-Dan.

one of those days.

can i get a cheese burger w. extra doubt? today is one of those days w. no direction. it's the day where you know everything that has to be done, but none of it feels like it's worth doing. it's one of those days where it feels like nothings going right and there's there's too much on my plate, when in reality, there's nothing wrong. nothings happening to me. my life is grand. but that's not how it feels. it's one of those days where it's just really empty. there's an anxiety. but amidst all this, there's a calm.

there's an uneasiness about it. my stomach is turning. it's the same feeling i get when someone is chasing me in my dreams. needless to say, i'm asking the same questions.

"why can't i just get away from all this?"
"why is this happenings to me?"
"how do i make things better?"

but when i stop, above my panting from the chase, i can hear the whistle of the wind. it's one of those days where you take everything in. it's one of those days where everything has more meaning. this is what it means to feel. the pain always hits home harder than the joy. the pain is deeper. the pain is more heartfelt. this is what it is to feel. this is what it is to be human. this is life in this world.

everyones running away from nothing.

one day, we're all going to wake up. most people will find that Satan didn't pay the electric bill, so there won't be any air conditioning for a while. a long while.

hopefully, when i wake up it'll be w. all my loved ones. i'll be in the crowd in the clouds, when i open my eyes for the first time.

what's wrong w. me? i think it's just one of those days.

thank God i have church tomorrow.

-Dan.

ffxiii

i copped final fantasy thirteen last night. vanille is hawt.

o.O'

-Dan.

east coast rappist.

j-butter, did i stutter?

i haven't blogged cause it was devo week and i had bigger things on my mind.
to make this quick...
-holy supper was good.
-pacman beating cheeks.
-feljohn is back.
-we played basketball @ widener yesterday. good ol' fashioned east coast rapping.
-we went to ritas. it wasn't raining, but we got our buy one, get one free, ya deg.
-i have the gayest lab to do over my spring break.
-wasabi on tuesday. rick bobby status.

-Dan.

fri-sat.

i guarded friday night w. steve and ronick. an ambulance scared me. i thought it was sopranos singing in black togas doing a processional march @ 3 am, so i fell out of bed. sakit.

on saturday, i woke up for devo. went to get breakfast @ dennys, cleaned the chapel, then slept till final practice. then after that, we went to winslow diner and i stayed till PM devo. idk why. i'm cool. now i'm home and tomorrow morning i have church. splendid.

-Dan.

catch me i'm balling.

i don't flow.
i dictate. stalin.

quit biting like dracula.
take ya beef and flip it
like sponge bobs spatula.

i'm happy. :D i've been w. aprille for 30 months and 1 day.

-Dan.

everything is swell.

except two things.

-i'm too rough.
-my english grade hasn't changed.

i ended up w. a 97 on the first exam of the semester in A&P, but tomorrow is going to be a tough one. chemistry. don don donnnnn...

-Dan.

cafe night.

it was funner than expected. it didn't have anything to do w. cafe's, but hey. *shrugs*.
-a lot of games. like the get into this many joint and four corners.
-a lot of food, compliments to bro. mark. things like burgers and nathans dogs. bubble tea. cookies. iced tea. pizza.

on friday, i guarded w. steve, mikeys, and ronick. i just layed down next to mikey and we talked all night.

also, on sunday, i played basketball in the snow, made out w. elvis, and ate a pizza faster than gorenna.

i wish i had more time to write, but any time i want to do something productive, i do school work.

-Dan.

yan yan.

these joints taste great. nomnomnom. but unfortunately, i ate them all. oh cruel fate.

tomorrow is supposed to be cafe night and all the kadiwa are assigned to guard. why do i get the feeling no one will?

-Dan.

92.

on my first anatomy exam w.o a curve that may be added later. hopefully it gets bumped up to a 96ish. i want an A, not an A-.

-Dan.

all star weekend.

i don't even know what's been happening lately.

i went to tokyo on saturday for chris/my's bday. i met superstar and legend.

dwyane wade won all star game mvp.

my first exam is tomorrow. i'm scared.

i'm not really digging this whole school thing, ya dig?

-Dan.

7 am shoveling.

don't you know i'm so pro? church later. i'm finally gonna get my car that's been @ the chapel since friday! woot woot.

-Dan.

it's not that easy being green.

you're telling me.

yesterday, i took the written test. nice! coming off another saturday night w. no sleep, i tried to study in a group for the first time yesterday. umm. not the most productive three hours i've ever spent, but more fun than studying for 3 hours. win some, lose some.

i have 3 article assignments, a lab, and an exam on thursday. will i do well on the first test of the semester?

this and other adventures on Pens Gone Wild.

-Dan

snow!

it snowed all night last night. i left my car @ church. it's going to be a snitch to get it out, i'm guessing. i woke up and brushed my teeth, put on a hoody and a jacket and went to start shoveling. a lot of snow. i wonder how much is @ the chapel. i'm excited for the snow, tomorrow. it's going to be a snitch getting to church, though. i'm riding w. dee and dem.

school still is what it is. i hate it, but if i embrace it, i feel like the work gets done a lot faster and it's a lot less irritating. oh snap. i need to memorize processional for our written test tomorrow. outty.

-Dan.

i was just tryna bring it home and set a trend,

but they would just yawn, like it's late night for Letterman.

i'm approaching the point where school work is getting a little annoying.
i want a macbook. yea... that would alleviate all my worries.

-Dan.

i go to sleep

@ 5 am & wake up @ 540 am.

yesterday was max's birthday. today was church. my dad went to the PI this morning. i hope he brings back a lot of souveneirs.

-Dan.

the only thing your plan is missing is

logic.

lol. the dean hasn't gotten back to me. ronick traded for kevin durant today. :O

how epic. i figured out some stuff w. my book. but i'm just going to keep it all hush hush until i'm completely finished. i don't want to spoil it.

-Dan.

phagosaurus v. charizard.

compliments of Gorenna.

today,
i did the usual @ church. then went bowling for a couple hours w. gorenna, chris, carlo, ann, and steve. the jets lost. steve is heart broken. we were going to try to go to philly, but it rained on our parade. maybe some other time. we visited my, jaime and jess while they were studying and then played hangman. oxen. zephyr. things like that.

speaking of studying, i don't want to fall behind in school, but man. it's so gay... quite the predicament.

i'm breaking my body of work into 3 acts.

ACT I: Perspective.
ACT II: ---
ACT III: ---

I guess it'll still be called A COMPILATION OF SHIT I WROTE until i can think of a better title.

-Dan.

all the dots are connected, now.

the picture is beautiful.

i slept over carlos after practice on friday. we listened to Bro. Mark Oliver Bernal's legendary life story. it's epic. gay porn, dildos, poop, one on one w. the top guys, car accidents, a missed wedding. very slud dog-esque.

i stayed up til 4 am editing my poetry. i'm changing the title of my book to perspective. i'm editing out all the non sense and changing some of my word choices.

so we had gem tonight. i want to bring visitors next time or maybe to bible study. we also had inital practice for holy supper.

everything makes complete sense now. i feel relieved, but i want this burden called life to pass. it sounds so emo, but it's the complete opposite.

-Dan.

daydreaming about john wall.

i'm thinking i might need a new title. cause i want to show my family, and they'll draw that "wtf?" card out of their decks if they see the title. any suggestions?

i haven't slept yet, because i don't have class tomorrow. i want to watch legion after practice. which reminds me, we might have kadiwa guarding night tomorrow. we'll see.

i might trade blake griffin for mikey's first round pick.

why? so i can acquire john, the stud, wall. anything is possible. also, i need couple managers. but who? so many questions, but so much time to think. it's all just butter, baby. i love you aprille.

-Dan.

PART 1.

i printed out part 1 of

A COMPILATION OF SHIT I WROTE.

it's just a draft. i'm excited. idk why.

schools good, but the days are so long. especially those 10:40-3:55 days. it's terrible. my brain dies around 3, then everything just goes in one ear and out the other.

the dean said she'd get back to me within a 7-10 days.

off to devotional.

-Dan.

lost.

i am "lost"
for lack of a better term.
having gone astray
or missed the way.

maybe it's just a mix up
like i, myself, have been misplaced.
and the past, present, future
were, are, and will be a mistake.
respectively.
time takes away everything so hectically.
born yesterday.
to see the world today.
tomorrow, we rest in peace.

no matter how much time we have,
it will never be enough.
i blink.
i will be.
i blink.
i am.
i blink.
i was.
you can try to prolong life,
like a staring contest does.

putting as much time
between blinks as you can.
but it's only a matter of time
before it ends.

they all want to make it last.
but i must ask,
why prolong it anymore
when the end is all i'm living for?
--------
i'm finding all the answers in my poetry lately.

-Dan.

1st day of the fall semester.

i'm going to try to see the dean today.

opening up the semester w. LaBelle.

3 science classes and 2 electives.

don't you know i'm so pro?

also, we went to dave and busters for feljohns going away party.

he won't be gone too long, but i'll miss that dude.

-Dan.

or maybe

i just dream bigger than everyone else.

-Dan.

@ ease.

in peace. calm. relaxed.
be prayerful. that's all.

i'm going to pull an all nighter.
get ready for church in a few hours.
the weather is going to be terrible.
should be fun.

just another day around the way.
i look forward to sundays all week.

---------

dreaming is like blowing air into a balloon.
you can only hope for so much to come true.
your expectations have to be tempered and paced.
otherwise it all blows up in your face.

pipe dreams are only in pipes
because they're the dreams we flushed down the toilet.
they pass us by along with our dead goldfish.
dream. flush.
goldfish. flush.
dream. flush.
goldfish. flush.
dreams and goldfish are a lot alike, i suppose.
childish things, really.
things we grow out of.
things that keep us entertained.

but there's so much more to this life than dreams.
aspirations to acquire things we don't need.
maybe that's the most important realization i'll ever make.
what difference does it make whether i'm rich or poor in the end?

while i say this, i acknowledge dreams are an important facet of society.
dreams are important to a lot of people.
it's just that i'm also acknowleding my acceptance of the fact that it's irrelevant.
whether i fulfill 100 dreams or 0 dreams today won't matter tomorrow.

so now, it's time to make a difficult a decision.

-Dan.

wide awake.

and it took til 6:09 pm for me to wake up.

seewhahahappenedwuh:

we went bowling after practice for ateh jaime's birthday.

we went to phily diner after.

ronick slept over.

we slept @ around 7 am playing nba 2k w. samuel emobert.

and now i'm awake typing this blog. so far, that's all my day encompasses.

things to look forward to

in the immediate future:
school starting up again.
seeing the dean to get my english grade changed.
sleep tonight.

in general:
church.
good music.
life.
giggles.

all in due time.

-Dan.

winters toll.

he kept the door closed to keep out the cold.
cold, cold memories from a cold, cold world.
a cold, cold soul buried in his in thoughts.
his minds own abode, where his own soul rots.
because the people that he sought
were the ones that never listened.
where the answers to his problems were
all that he was missing.
and now he's just missing.
face on a milk carton somewhere in your kitchen.
what is this existence?
is anybody there?
am i that impaired?
so blind i can't see anyone.
you've all disappeared.
it's only me, here.

and you will never notice.
the snow is getting deeper.
this is getting hopeless.
so i'll pack up my bags.
wrap myself up in my rags.
unfolded.
everything i had:
i sold it.
or i never had it.
or it exploded.
or it doesn't matter.
Irrelevant. like me.
he's my only brother.
malevolent as he may be,
i have no other
to turn to.
cold, cold.
like the love letters i wrote you,
i wish that i would burn too.

-Dan.

work in progress.

incomplete.

I fall.
So vulnerable.
So weak.
So delicate.
So close to defeat.

Yet so close to
the heaven that evades my grasp.
It's on my finger tips.
My faith is the clasp
that keeps me focused
on this promise that will come to pass.

The world is bleak,
and any moment, I can lose all I have
like a shadow fading into the past,
dust will return to dust and ashes to ash.

I will suffer. For flesh bleeds.
There are only so many breaths a man breathes.
I will not waste them on the things of this world,
but rather I will use them all, til my last, on my belief
that salvation is the only safe haven I should seek.
And so I pray thanks for all the graces I've recieved.

For wherever we are gathered,
God will wipe away our tears
I will conquer all my fears
knowing my salvation is near.

so we pray.
and we pray.
and we pray.

Amen.

incomplete.

4.

the amount of different ways i learned to tie a tie today.

killing them w. the alliteration on that one.

i love our minister, bro. mark a.k.a. ka rambo. he went out to a diner w. some of the kadiwa on friday after practice and told us stories. he's really making this a year to look forward to already.

on a side note: i went 30-0. uMAD. rondo got that trip dub today.

needless to say, i want to write later if my brain isn't fried. it looks so much cooler to write in a journal w. real ink. it's just a pain in the ass to edit and it's so much easier to just have it documented online. *blank face*

-Dan.

butterflies.

just thinking about it.

i miss the choir loft, but i'll see her tonight. right baby? yea yea.

-Dan.

dear diary.

i fear what the future holds.

-Dan.

fall in love in chicago.

I started off the new year with a kiss from the girl I love.

Everyday it got worse. My anxiety. Why does it have to end?

In a perfect world, you come home with me and we live happily ever after.

Or maybe in a perfect world, you're all mine. Maybe this is my perfect world.

It's so easy to be pessimistic in life.

Now I'm home. Awake @ 3 in the morning thinking about you and I'm sure this won't be the last time I lose sleep to thoughts of you.

I don't want you to cry. I'll come back for you soon, so no worries, ok?

You'll probably never read this, but I love you, Aprille Bautista.

Your hubby,
-Dan.

today, nobody cares.

tomorrow, they will. they will.



-Dan.